Chemo Day 1 - The Start

The actual chemo started today. Its now 9pm and the etopomide is still
being pumped in and will sometimes feeling a little odd nothing major so
far.

Well other than having to pee half a litre every 20 minutes. Which is a
good thing as the kidneys are working.!

Day one

It's all kicking off now. Drip is in and saline flowing in

The power of FON

Got a great boast to this whole process last night.  The laptop was delivered and is doing great.  Got even better when I managed to find some wireless networks.  I could use one that was free but it was way slow.  There was also a FON one from the whole FON network, (link).  I purchased a 5 day pass for $10 and it is working a treat.

 

I have been able to access all my online stuff and configure the laptop to my liking.  Suddenly its not like being closed away from the world anymore.  I'm still reading and working on my katakana, but well impressed with FON.  To the point were I have ordered my own Wifi router to join the wave!!

 

On the serious side, chemo starts in the morning 9am!  3 hours in the morning and then 3 hours in the afternoon - for the next 5 days. 

The next 63 days of my life!

Well its all determined now. Met with the specialist on Friday afternoon and they gave me the layout of the plan and whats going to happen. I’ll be receiving the EP Chemotherapy protocol. The drugs are Cisplastin (the P drug) and Etoposide (the E drug). Its going to be 3 cycles of 21 days each. The first three days are in hospital receiving the drugs, then a few days after checking results then home for rest of the 21 days then repeat, and repeat again, and I’ve been told possible repeat again.

Will be digging out the baseball caps I have somewhere as I’m going to need them. That should be an interesting look. As someone at work pointed out a silver lining, don’t need to shave! And on the silver lining topic I also get my teeth cleaned by the hospital as they need to be really healthy to prevent infection! And I was overdue a clean as well.

Just loading the last of the music and TV programs for viewing whilst sitting around waiting. I should be able to write to this long from the phone so will see how it goes. Later

The conveni

One the most wonderful things about Japan is the 24 hour convenience store. As already said they are open 24hours per day 7 days a week and have basically everything you need (well not everything, but all the basics). I’ve visited them in the middle of the night and what always surprises me is that at 2 am in the morning there are people there reading the magazines or just shopping! This city never really sleeps, it just has the trains stop which slows things down a little.

Did I mention that I live equi distance between at least two of them, and then there is another just across the road from the AM/PM store, so that’s really 3 within a 5 minute walk. You really do just have to love this city.

The day of plan.

Thats what it is called here. I think in the UK it was called the plan of attack. Today its talk to the oncologist and find out what they have in store for me. I already have nausea and the last meal I kept down was Thursday lunch

Free Fall

Its all getting harder now, this morning was terrible with breakfast returning on me fairly quickly. And I haven’t even started the treatment yet. Continued reading the Lance Armstrong book, which was both good and bad. I learnt more about what is likely to happen in the next two month, and bad as it depressed the shit out of me again as I’m now really frightened that I’m going to go through this alone.

I really am wondering if I should return to New Zealand for this, and on top of all this its uncertain what chemo treatments are covered by the insurance plan. So great, I get to have nausea, vomiting, hair loss, and all the other charming effects and have the privilege of paying for it all as well.

It all looks easy from a distance.

Last Monday the future was all looking fairly simple, then on Tuesday it was back to upside down, Wednesday was decision time and then it was simple again. We go off and get some extra treatment and then resume life again. Having made that choice a level of secerenity was possible, now I'm starting to get the real details of it all and quite frankly I don't have to wait for the chemo induced nausea as I've got it already!

When something like this is staring you straight in the eyes you starting searching for the strength to stare right back. Unbeknown to me and surprisingly it is my mothers religous faith that is helping provide this strengh. I'm not going to be running off to confession and taking communion anytime soon, but that belief that there is something more, blended with a few bits and pieces from my travels is very comforting when your all alone in the night.

Me, My cancer and I

Back to the Urologist today to begin stage two of my treatment. The recommendation is for Chemotherapy as according to Japan or latest protocols radiotherapy is not as effective, it was in line with some reading I had done from the UK, so that’s now the course of action. Next step is to meet my oncologist this Friday, watch this space.

I’ve started reading the first parts of the Lance Armstrong book ‘Its Not About the Bike’, a friend recommended it to me and I was going to start it when I came out of hospital but found that even reading a couple of pages was just to upsetting. It’s still causing a few tears now, but more I think from understanding than from me feeling sorry for myself or scared.

Everything has gone really well so far and the outlook is really good, but you still can’t help thinking about the 5% who didn’t make it. Its odd being at the point where I’m actually feeling better day by day and now I’m going to be heading back to hospital to become sick again. (while quietly hoping that the effects will be mild). I guess again I need to wait until Friday to find out all those details as well.

Once again another date and another wait.

An Unexpected Snow

One moment the sky is clear and the next moment its falling down.  If you know where that came from, then you know.  From it I did learn an important lesson.  Take a moment that you really need and then it will always be there for you.  For me I remember a really clear moment when I was at home sitting the boarding platform of Waima out by the mussel farms.  We had pulled up one of the lines so that we could get the mussels of them (ps we have permission to do this from the owners, so please don’t just go and do it).  We had pulled up what we need and I had was still loading them into the sack.  I had one leg in the water and the other on the back of the boat and then opened a raw mussel to eat. 

 

I looked up and across the mussel farms was my home.  My only home that I’ve ever known, the green of the grass blurred back into the blue mountains.  It was one of the endless summer days we get and it was all just so perfect.  I put it into my memory to always remember that moment so I could have some of who I was, am and will always be.

 

It never snows where I live, but this was a unique and special moment for me and an expected snow to me, a flake with unique patterns that will never be repeated and for then it was mine to behold.

 

Reconciling Reality

Wow, the last two days have a been a bit of a mind f&^%.  I thought on Tuesday that I would be having a blood test with results to say all fine; instead I walked out of the clinic with a decision to be made.  To do either ‘Watchful Waiting’ or to have adjunct treatment.  With the waiting option there is a 20% chance of the cancer coming back, with treatment that reduces to less than 1%.  The reason for the waiting option is that if the cancer comes back they can still cure it really easily.  So what would you do.

 

I’ve just covered a couple of points as it’s a bit deeper than that but you get the jist.  What has affected me is that I was under the mistaken impression that ‘hey I’m cured and its all done, just a few follow up blood tests’.  This has opened up a full can of worms on the whole subject and it all got too much.  To be brutally honest I spent most of Wednesday morning crying my eyes out, sometimes for no apparent reason.  Well all for a reason, but just at unexpected times.  Its now Thursday and things are much better, I feel that I’ve reconciled the ‘why’ is this happening me, and my choice of fighting this all the way now.

 

Let ya know the next steps.

d

I don't hear no fat lady?

I should have known it wasn't going to be over. Just back from the doctors (both of them) and am completely confused as to what to do next. Well not totally, one is that I managed to pop on an entire kilo since my last visit to my routine doctor. One could say with all the sleeping and christmas festivities thats not bad, so its diet and gym calling.

The urology doctor is not quite so cut and dried. Yes you did have cancer and now here are the options.

1. We do nothing but you have to blood test, chest x-ray and CT scan every 3 months for the next 2 years (the golden period its called here!). If the cancer takes hold in either the other testicle or lymp node then they 'salvage' the situation - his words, not mine.

2. We either have radication or chemo (and I think the preference they have here is Chemo). This will reduce the chances of it occuring.

So the choices are mine to make. This doctor has a preference of 'Watchful, waiting' as they call it. This is also a 'new' protocol for treatment and I need to find out what the jury currently thinks. I don't like the idea of just leaving the thing to grow and risking more surgury. Family history is that cancer has killed some of us.

No choices made yet - so I guess the stout lady is just warming up!! d

A Pain Free Day

In more ways that one! Morning was spent putting the apartment back into order which didn't take to long, and the always annoying domestic chore of Laundry! I'm toying very much with the idea of getting someone in to do a few hours cleaning and laundry each week. Terrible I know, but wow, how nice to come home to everything spotless.

Afternoon was taken up with a leisurely trip to check out Johns new place which is within shouting distance, or at least, the lights are on - who nobody home - distance. Then on upto Shibuya for some quality HMV time. Picked up a couple of new CD's and then ah, SegaFredo time with Di for hours catching up with everything. Nice was to mellow into the late afternoon. It wasn't until I got home that I realised it was the first day that I've not taken any pain medication for the groin or the bung knee. So a great day in fact!

Dissecting Dinner

Had another really lovely dinner party, with Roast Lamb featuring as the central guest as per normal! The new little oven did a fantastic job of roasting the potatoes and kumera really well, and the normal oven once again outdid itself on the roast lamb, which had just a few pink juices running out when rested and carved. I think it hit a nice 70C in the centre, will have to look that up and check if it was right.

(just checked that 70C is totally perfect - well we could all have told you that after the meal).

Started the dinner off with some more of the Asian Tapas from my still very favorite book of the same name.

Garlic/Rosemary Olives - which goes so well with Anchovy Stuffed Olives - still working on texture of this mix.
Ceviche Scallop - No contest
Kashmiri Prawn Kababs - taste was lovely, but I think I can improve on texture.
Caramalized Mango and Octopus - WARNING Don't use baby japanese squid as found in the market, unless you love the taste of squid bait - got with the octopus - it works really well.
Rainbow Quail Eggs - note to self, use a milder chilli. Choking ones manager with too much spice is not recommended.

Was thinking there was something else but that may have been the bubbles! What birthday dinner is complete without Moet Chandon!

Mounting Tension

I'm on the countdown to the first blood test to see if the cancer was all removed and had not decided to take a little wander to other locales.  Unfortunately as the days countdown the tension mounts up, I realised this morning coming to work that I'm terrified that it will be a bad result and I'll have to have chemo-therapy.  Currently I cannot even confirm a ski-ing holiday in two weeks time.  I'm really starting to resent life having to be put on hold like this.  Okay some would say just book it, do it, don't let it rule your life.  I'll take a wild guess and say those would people who haven't had cancer.  

Its not the cost of possibly having to cancel, its letting people down who are also going on the trip.  Anyway one component of my life that has resumed in full force.  Meetings so gotta go.

Back in Tokyo

After a wonderful holiday with my family in some not so seasonal weather I am back in the massive smoke and on my way back to work after a month away. I wonder if they still need me?